Self Confidence and Self Worth obviously have a lot to do with
how well we do in life. However, what confuses the picture is
that the two terms are often used as if they have the same
meaning. They are really very different things.
Self Confidence is about how we relate to the world. Self Worth
is about how we relate to ourselves. Naturally these two things
are interlinked and one affects the other. But, they bring very
different gifts and very different skills.
Self Confidence gives us the ability to make things happen in
the world. It helps us set goals and achieve results. When our
Self Confidence is high we attract people through our ability to
get things done and 'be out there'. This makes us good talkers.
Self Worth helps us value other people for who they are (rather
than what they do). It helps us build friendships and
relationships based on mutual caring. When our Self Worth is
high we attract people through our ability to just 'be there'
for them and to be with them. This makes us good listeners.
If Self Confidence is high and Self Worth is very low then we
get out of balance. It can make us tend to put on a show and
feel hollow
inside. If this goes to far we can end up unable to
enjoy our successes. While others are giving us a congratulatory
pat on the back we feel like kicking ourselves as being
undeserving. When our Self Worth is low we may tell ourselves
"If only they knew what I am really like".
If Self Confidence is very low and Self Worth is high then we
get out of balance that way too. It can make us tend to hide out
with our friends, family, or people we feel 'comfortable' (or an
acceptable discomfort) around. We may walk in someone's shadow,
hide behind a powerful boss, or someone who 'protects' us from
the world (even if they are nasty otherwise). We may have things
we really want to do with our lives (intensely so), but make
excuses as to why it is OK to do nothing about.
When it comes to finding a partner, or finding a job, lack of
Self Confidence or Self Worth will obviously get in the way.
Self Confidence helps us establish an initial connection; Self
Worth helps us relate in ways that create a healthy
relationship. Self Confidence helps us meet people; Self Worth
helps us make friends with them.
Without Self Confidence we have trouble creating success
because
we don't even try; without Self Worth we have trouble creating
success because we never actually feel 'successful' no matter
what we achieve (or we may sabotage our efforts out of a feeling
of being undeserving).
Our Self Worth and Self Confidence can be affected by what other
people say and do. However, they are also both affected by what
we say and do. They are very much affected by what we decide
about ourselves and our own value and what we tell people about
ourselves. Ultimately it is our decision whether we feel good
and happy, or not. Whatever we cultivate and whatever we
tolerate is what grows.
People with a strong Self Confidence are, of course, naturally
comfortable functioning in situations where confidence is what
is required; but they can feel very challenged by situations
where Self Worth is what is needed. People with a strong sense
of Self Worth are naturally comfortable in situations where Self
Worth is what is required, but likewise can feel very challenged
when confidence is needed.
We often unconsciously try and find a balance by attracting
people of our opposite type either at work or in relationships.
This allows us to
function as it gives the benefits of the other
persons strengths. Yet that is really an unhappy alliance, in
the long term, it is really a matter of finding the balance in
ourselves.
Self Confidence can be boosted by positive affirmations like: "I
am successful", "I now create great relationships", etc..
Self Worth can be boosted by positive affirmation like: "I
deserve success", "I am worthy of a great relationship", etc..
People often feel awkward working on the type of issues which
most affects them. If either of the above type of affirmation is
a turn-off for you the chances are that is the very type of
issue you need to work with. Any such discomfort soon passes
and, if you give yourself a chance, you can become a healthier
person by working directly on whatever of these issues
specifically affects you.
Now that maybe you have a better idea of which aspect of
yourself you most want to work on, I suggest checking out the
Self Help section of your local bookshop and seeing what books
'call' to you. You will just know what is right for you, or you
can have fun checking out some new ideas to see what fits.
Being out of balance
between Self Confidence and Self Worth is a
bit like having one leg much shorter than the other. If we are
not careful it makes us go round in circles! If your life feels
a bit circular at times then that is a very good sign you need
to grow the other side of your nature.
It may be that by making a very minor change in attitude, and
finding a better balance between Self Confidence and Self Worth,
you can become much more effective in your life. It will make is
much easier to walk in a straight line.
About the author:
William F Martin offers wholistic tips and advice on dating and
relationships and on finding the man or woman of your dreams.
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