Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you recently
met someone new and felt like you could have a lasting
friendship with that person? The trouble is, you're not sure if
the other person feels the same way. As with all relationships,
sometimes you just hit it off right away with new friends, and
other times it takes a bit more cultivation. Perhaps the other
person is shy or feeling a bit awkward, just as you are. But
sometimes doubts and worries get in the way, undermining our
confidence. Is there any way around this?
The good news is that usually your instincts are correct. If
you feel there is an opportunity for a friendship, the other
person usually does also. Those little things that pick at your
confidence could be a number of things.
In a new friendship in
particular, for example, you don't want to offend the other
person, so you may find yourself treading carefully. This can
feel like you have no confidence, when in reality, you're simply
testing the waters as you get to know the other person.
Social issues can get in the way as well. If you're self
conscious about social interactions, even when they're
one-on-one, you may find yourself having difficulty knowing what
to say and how to act. This usually is related to a lack of self
confidence or an excess of self-consciousness. What you should
know is that many people share these feelings. Just as you are
worried about what to say, the other person may very well be
feeling the same way. And even if this is not the
case,
everyone, at some point or another, has been in a situation
where they felt awkward.
It's likely that the other person will be empathetic,
particularly if you're upfront and honest about your
insecurities. Simply saying that, while you're a great friend,
you find it hard to form new friendships, will often be enough.
Yes, this puts you on the line a little bit, but think of it
this way. If the other person is unkind in his or her reaction,
this probably isn't the type of person you'll want to form a
friendship with anyway.
Developing new friendships does require you to be vulnerable to
some extent. Obviously, this increases the longer and better you
get to know someone. But even in the early stages of a
friendship, if you don't open up
a little, your chances of
developing a meaningful relationship diminishes. All
relationships require a bit of give and take, and friendships
are no different. You don't need to expose your deepest, darkest
secrets right away, but do give the other person some clues as
to who you are, your interests, and feelings. This also makes it
safe for the other person to do so as well.
Is it possible to get better at developing relationships? Sure!
All it takes is a bit of practice. Yes, this can be a bit scary
and intimidating, but the more often you reach out to others,
the more likely you are to find people with similar interests.
Also, the more you practice developing new friendships, the more
confident you'll become in your ability to meet and relate to
new
people.
If you're stuck on things to say or how to go about it,
consider looking into some books devoted to conversational
starters and social interactions. Some of the tips are useful
and provide a good starting point. Also consider taking classes
or taking part in a favorite activity with a group. This is a
great way to meet people with similar interests, and this makes
it much easier to start a dialogue, as you already have
something to talk about.
About the author:
Tony Robinson spent many years as a School Teacher and
Administrator. Always of concern was low self esteem and a lack
of confidence with some students. For more information visit
http://www.better-self-esteem.com
