There's a reason why so many people say it's the hardest job
you'll ever have--raising a child. It's challenging, exciting,
nerve-wracking, and one of the most amazing things you'll ever
experience. Raising a child will put you through every emotion
possible, including self-doubt. Along with the joy of raising a
child can come the fear that you're going to do something wrong,
create permanent psychological damage, or a whole list of other
things that may not go quite right. But relax--keeping a few
simple things in mind can help raise your confidence as a
parent.
First, know that you will make mistakes. There is no such thing
as a perfect parent. If you keep this in mind, you can take a
great deal of pressure off yourself. Do your best, of course,
but understand that there will be bumps along the
road--possibly
quite a few of them. Rather than trying to be a perfect parent,
do what you can to prepare for those bumps.
Understand where your child is in development and learn what to
expect; then expect the unexpected. Also remember that the worst
may not happen. Your child may not go through the "terrible
twos" or be a reckless teenager. Remember that all children are
different. Try not to compare your child or your parenting to
others or you may cause yourself unnecessary stress.
Don't believe everything the experts say. Sure, many experts
have experience working with hundreds or even thousands of
children. Listen to what they have to say, but don't take it as
the final say. You know your child better than anyone, and if a
piece of advice doesn't seem right for your child, trust
your
instincts. You're probably right. What may have worked for
others may not work for you, and that's okay. Family and friends
are also likely to provide you with ample advice, some of which
may be useful and some of which may not.
Try to avoid the temptation of giving in to pressure from
others if you feel that it is not right for your family
situation. This can be difficult, particularly in close
relationships. But establishing those boundaries because you
know what's best for your child will help increase your
confidence simply by knowing that you can determine what's best
for you and stand up for it.
Spend time with your child. This may sound like old advice, but
more and more studies show that children whose parents show an
interest in them are better equipped to deal with some of
life's
challenges. This also helps you know your child better, which
will in turn help you make better choices. It works well for
everyone involved.
Seek help when you need it. This may sound contradictory to the
earlier statements, but it's actually not. When you know your
child and his or her needs well, you have a much better
understanding of what advice to accept and what to reject. If
you are dealing with a difficult or serious situation, and feel
that it is out of your control, it's time to seek outside help.
This does not mean you are a failure. Rather, it shows that you
are confident enough in yourself and your parenting to recognize
that you may not have all the answers. Certain situations, such
as out of control behavior or drug abuse require outside
intervention. It's okay to ask
for help when you need it, so
don't put yourself down if this is the case.
Finally, remember that you are doing the best you can at any
given moment. Life doesn't go smoothly all the time, and this is
often most obvious in parenting. It's okay to make mistakes and
even admit them. And when your children see you do this, you'll
show them that a confident person is not perfect and that
everyone makes mistakes from time to time. This in turn will
help your children feel more confident when they make mistakes,
too.
About the author:
Tony Robinson spent many years as a School Teacher and
Administrator. Always of concern was low self esteem and a lack
of confidence with some students. For more information visit
http://www.better-self-esteem.com
