More Internet dating and matchmaking sites are coming online all the time. It’s no wonder they’re so popular. We’re all looking and it pays to extend your reach.
Midlife dating is definitely a “numbers game” and here’s why. The only way to do this is to get in there and start doing it. If you have been married a long time, you’ll find men at this age (whatever age you’re at now) are different. Dating on the Internet can help you get back into circulation. Some even often online “speed” dating, where you can make contact with several men on the same evening.
If you’re serious about finding a new guy, no doubt you’re getting out in your own community, have joined singles, activities and religious groups, are taking dancing lesson, pursuing your usual hobbies and interests, and letting others know you’re ready to date again. The Internet is “what else” you can do.
The Internet offers two opportunities you may not have
thought of. First of all, there are plenty of pornography and sex sites on the Internet and the guys know where they are. Therefore, many of the men on dating sites are truly interested in dating, long-term commitment, friendship, and marriage.
Secondly, certain aspects of Internet dating favor the non-aggressive man with honest intent. Using an Internet dating site takes time. If he’s desperate and needy (emotionally or sexually), he won’t take the time to fill out an Internet form and start emailing, but will head for the local dive where he knows he can find what he’s after immediately.
It also gives the less-assertive man a slow way to get to know a woman. He may be an introvert, or simply new to dating and unsure of himself, and can get himself better grounded on the Internet. You may catch him just at the right time.
How to begin? Take a look at some of the different sites and get a feel for them. Particularly
pay attention to how the profiles are set up. Here are some things you’ll want to make sure of:
1.The profile tells you the kind of things about someone you need to know
2.Your anonymity is protected
3.A photo is available
4.There is way to block or permanently end contact with someone
5.They attempt to screen undesirables. No guarantee but at least, for instance, they say they forbid married people, felons, pornography, hate, etc.
Bear in mind there are no guarantees on the Internet you won’t meet a louse, pervert, felon, liar, or promiscuous married man. There are no guarantees about this in real life, either. There are some obvious clues to watch for: refusing to share a photo, using foul language, asking for money, being domineering, moving too fast, preoccupation with sex, inappropriate site names such as “SexTrain,” signs of desperation, or being inconsistent or evasive about details.
The best rule
of thumb is if it makes you feel uneasy, use the “delete” key. You begin with email correspondence, so take your time. You’ll get quicker about catching on to bad signs as you practice.
Always remember to protect yourself. Don’t give your personal email address or home phone number until you’re reasonably sure. Never agree to meet someone in a remote or peculiar location. If in doubt, don’t. If it’s good, it will stand the test of time.
The best way to begin is to make a list about your expectations – not just their age and appearance, but their conduct. Then work with a coach to brush up on your skills and provide valuable feedback. When you set up your profile, be honest about your personal habits, lifestyle, and what you’re looking for in a man. When you learn something that works, stick with it. For instance if you read someone’s profile that’s worded better than yours, go back in and tweak yours.
Men’s first
attraction is visual (physical), so get a good recent photograph of yourself. Some people are more photogenic than others, but it’s unfair to use a photograph that’s 5 years old, or that represents you before gaining or losing 30 pounds. Be proud of who you are, represent it as best you can, and hope the man does the same.
For more tips, including how to identify a married man early-on, see my ebook, “Midlife Dating Survival for Women.”
Good luck!
About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life & EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for midlife women for personal and professional development. Susan is the author of “The Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women" which is available at http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free EQ ezine.
