As an individual raised with little opportunity to develop
social skills, I had a particularly difficult time with the
dating scene. I am happily married now, but during my years of
dating, I felt that it would never happen. With the many years
using online dating services, I have learned many useful ways of
establishing positive initial interaction. In this article I
will share with you ideas that will give you a little more ease
with dating and coping with the anxiety on the first date.
First, there are a few questions we must address and bring out
into the open. How much should we get to know the potential date
before meeting? What discussion or prefacing is required with
your potential date prior to the meeting? How does this
potential date feel about you, or does this person also share in
this anxiety? After the rendezvous is established where will
you
meet to insure safety, enjoyment and relaxation?
Lets dive into the first question: How much should we get to
know the potential date before meeting? This question begs of
the actual legitimacy of the potential date. Is this, person
really genuine? What is this persons background? These questions
are not as easy to answer, but we can start with the following.
The method of communication is incredibly important. Phone
communication although a little nerve racking, can break the ice
and establish an initial understanding of who this person is.
Try to avoid creating a mental image of this person as this can
really increase expectations and also give the other person an
unfair disadvantage (i.e. relating the voice to a physical
mental image). The phone conversation can also shed light on
this person's general character.
This leads to what
discussions or prefacing is required. It is
important to acknowledge that this place we live is very diverse
and the person's character is one of the most important
attributes of desirability. Be softly direct when inquiring
about his or her background without invoking the feeling that
you are drilling the person which is a real "turn-off". I have
used this idea many times which turn's out to be a really
enjoyable exercise. Write down a few background questions to ask
prior to calling the potential date and go from there. The
conversation can take on with its own energy from there and it
will be very easy to get a good feeling for the person. That is
to say, if the person is not forthright, it will most likely
come through in the conversation.
In most cases, the other person will exhibit the same anxiety as
you. Keep this in mind, as it will help your
nerves a little.
Being confident, honest, direct and respectful will help you and
the date feel an increased level of comfort whether your on the
phone, or on the first date.
On this first date, make sure that you select, or mutually agree
to a place that will help the date flourishes but keep the other
person wanting more. Obviously, you should select a meeting
place that is well lit and where there will be many eyes
watching you for increased safety. However, the place that you
will spend the most time should be softly lit so that most of
the concentration can be focused on the content of the
conversation and less on physical characteristics. More
importantly, span the first date no more than that of a small
snack. You can consider this a "weed-out" session. If there is
chemistry during the date, he or she will leave waiting more.
Conversely, if there is
no chemistry, not much time was lost and
not much money was spent.
Remember, these important ideas to engender ease and confidence
during the initial contact through online dating services.
Choose a method of communication prior to the meeting that will
help you determine the persons forthrightness. Understand that
the other person is probably feeling the same level of anxiety
to which you can offer the comfort. Finally, choose a place that
demonstrates safety and allows for a short but memorable
experience.
About the author:
Patrick Hood-Daniel is an Urban Designer/Architect that pays
special attention to our social atmosphere in relation to our
physical environment. He is also the developer of http://www.datinganddating.
com an online dating service where members can find dates in
a totally unique way.
