I was young, inexperienced, and had just started my first year of college when I met the “love of my life” and my “lifelong” companion. Little did I know about falling in love for all the wrong reasons. Some of us spend the greater portion of our life chasing the elusive rainbow and/or trying to hold onto something when there is nothing left to hold onto. I spent a lot of my productive years in a state of confusion and disappointment. Even though my “first love” and I were brought up in the era when your partner was supposed to be for a lifetime and you were looked on as somewhat of an oddity if you were a divorcee, she chose to put both of us in the oddity category when she found the “true love” of her life and loved it much more than she loved me. Money can cause a career woman to do unusual things and act strangely. This goes to the point of staying with someone she doesn’t really care about.
My second such marital adventure started one night 6 months later at an outdoor camping party for a club of motorcycle groupies. Along with all the beer and barbecue pig,
came a face that I had seen before. My hormones started churning again. Everyone camped all weekend and needless to say, I didn’t camp alone. Along with this experience came another opportunity for self-destruction. About a month later and after living by myself for 7 month, I thought that I was ready to spend some time with someone else and moved my future wife into my apartment. Later we were married, had a daughter, and bought a house. This marital bliss lasted a grand total of 12 years and the only good thing that came out of it was my only daughter.
Two houses, two wives, and $ 36,000 in child payments later, I realized that I was doing something wrong. Both of these wives were physically attractive and had the qualities that, at the time, I felt I needed most. With these assets, all the other needs to keep life moving in a positive direction would come on their own. "WRONG"
When you first start out with someone, you normally feel that you can live off of love and don’t need anything else. Later the new wears off and your enthusiasm subsides. It can become
difficult when you have to face each other every day and don’t have enough in common to carry on a decent conversation. Small habits of each partner starts to get on the others nerves. Soon you start wondering what is wrong with you or did she change that much? It’s not that most people change a great deal, it’s the fact that they had on their dating personality or didn’t really have their eyes and ears open. The physical attractions and loneliness took over. Everyone is afraid that they will die alone or miss a chance to find the “partner for a lifetime“.
I have talked about my life experiences to bring up some important features about online personals and dating that can show a contrast to the mistakes that I went through to get to where I am today. Online dating gives us an opportunity to approach dating with an entirely new and more foolproof method. These “long distance” relationships do not start with the blinding aspect called physical attraction. It starts in a more subtle way and gives us a chance to sit back and reflect on what we are doing and who is this
person that we are dealing with. We can gain a wealth of information about someone if we don’t first become physically attracted. If we go slow and take one day at a time, we can look through thousands of possible candidates for a partner or marriage. We can do heart searches instead of beauty searches and find out what someone is really about. The old saying that beauty is only skin deep comes into play. This saying is very untrue because to have a successful and happy relationship, it starts in the heart.
We are more informed about the person that we are communicating with. What are their likes and dislikes? What kind of hobbies do they have? What are their religious beliefs? How do they feel about children? These are only a few questions that can be answered before any commitment is made or either heart is broken. The chance to find these common interests is always there. You can find out the good qualities that a person has along with the bad ones. If the bad ones are something that you don’t like, you can go on to someone else. There is an endless “supply” of
choices and this is what makes the internet dating so great.
All most people hear about online dating is the bad things on television and written in the paper. Just remember that Joe and Ann meeting on the internet, marrying and living happily ever after is not newsworthy copy.
During my school days, I didn’t have a very outgoing personality because I was very shy with the women. Later, I had a fear of getting turned down if I asked someone out on a date. I made good grades and had decent looks but lacked self confidence especially when talking to someone face to face. Maybe if online dating had been prevalent when I was growing up, my life could have changed in many ways.
Just remember, there is always more choices waiting. Just fill out your personals ads and find out who your choices are. Let us wish you the best in all of your dating adventures.
About The Author
Charles Oxford is owner and webmaster of http://www.personals-online-dating-service-4u.com.
